P:C - Breaking the Heart of Stone

My story begins about four years ago, actually. It’s not so much about how I reached out, but how God reached out to me.

I went on a nine-month mission trip right after I graduated from high school. Things I experienced there in the Middle East and also in Sri Lanka following the 2004 tsunami and also some personal stuff that happened in my life made me gradually harden my heart. My gift is giving mercy, but I didn’t realize then that to suffer with others, to have compassion and mercy on them, to feel for them the slightest bit of what God feels for them may actually bring my heart to pain. Seeing what I did, hearing the stories of the tsunami survivors, realizing that being middle-class in America means being rich to the rest of the world, and later being abandoned by someone who was supposed to watch out for me… this made me want to stop following, to stop loving. So I did.

It wasn’t until last year that I started to forgive myself, “forgive” God (Although He did nothing wrong.) for what I thought He did that was bad (I held Him accountable for what happened with the tsunami, and that was silly and wrong.), and to forgive others.

But I didn’t feel; my heart wasn’t awake until this past week. There were times when it would wake up for a moment, but not until this week has it been awake day in and day out. I can’t express here what that means really. My heart is His again! I love again. I’m not afraid of people anymore like I used to be. I am learning to love, to trust… I don’t know how to say what I want to say.

I can feel again: cry again, really laugh again, love – God has really filled my heart with love again. Thank God!

I’m sorry this is long – I’m not the best writer.

But God has taken my heart of stone and has given me a heart of flesh. I pray I have the wisdom to use this wonderful, beautiful gift for His glory this time.

I want you to know, my heart is what was in my hand, and it is His now. My education is what was in my hand, but it is His now. My debts – school loans – were in my hands and Heaven only knows why God wants them, but they are His now. (Does God really ask for that stuff? I like my God!)

I think that is kind of what I felt I needed to say. It’s the truth. God has done everything for me and me nothing for Him. How is it then that He loves me more than I love Him?

P:C - The Ministry of Presence

My story doesn’t currently have an ending to it, just a beginning and part of a middle. The people that I have sat and talked to, mostly at First Supper, are a group of homeless/jobless men. It all started with Claude and a Frisbee. We didn’t talk about God, but we laughed and enjoyed the time together. The next night he invited me to sit with him. I thought that was my job. So for the last several nights I’ve tried to practice the ministry of presence with these men. I’ve sat and eaten with them, tried to figure out (and finally succeeded!) how to put a Rubik cube together that one of them proudly brings each night, and talked about music and photography with them. It’s been a joy to share life and community with them. I hope that through my presence they’ve seen God in me. I hope and pray they’ll continue to seek community.

P:C - An Acquaintance through the Trash Pile

This week I was touched by the German woman who thought that what we were doing by picking up trash was such a great thing that she felt compelled to do it with us. When we first started these “projects” I wasn’t sure how they would help us reach out to the people of Mainz. However, throughout the week I realized that even if only one person noticed our efforts and but brought to Christ through that, it was worth it.

P:C - Curiosity Killed the Caution

This week as part of the trash group, we went to a car wash to clean the area. Four of us stayed in front, picking up the trash in the area near the road. Most customers cleaning their car would go about their business, but if we looked up, we would see the curious stares as they probably wondered who in the world would come just to pick up trash for free. Some people stopped and asked who we were with and why we were taking part. WE didn’t necessarily do anything. BUT, just by being there, being present, people we curious. One of the workers came up to us and was so thankful that he just wanted to give us ice cream. He told us he had planned on cleaning it the next day. We worked not expecting a thing in return, but apparently God used us as His presence and made people curious so that we could invite them to something bigger that could change their lives.

P:C - Mission Mentality in Everyday Life

The place where I saw God working this week was in the interactions of my group. We came here prepared to have a good attitude, to help out, and to really get to know each other. These things we did and did them so well that I wonder what would happen at Trevecca if only this group of nine people went back and lived there as we have here. We would bring heaven to earth. The things we emphasize when we prepare people to go on mission trips are an appropriate attitude for every day we follow Jesus. I have been surprised at how many times people have opened up their hearts, shut off their worldly view, and talked to people that they never would have interacted with in real life. Not only that, but they showed love to these people.

O God, that you would transform me so that I would see that in my own heart and my own life every day.

P:C - A Midnight Prayer

This week has been something truly miraculous. God has done such amazing work. I don’t know where to begin. God has done such a work in my own life. My prayer life has never been strong. The first few nights I was really struggling to pray for the people, the city, the service, and so on. However, one night in my bed, God really spoke to me, and I felt a relentless urge to pray for Peter from the forest. I had no idea why, but I responded and prayed for a couple hours for him alone. I woke up refreshed and ready to take on my last day in the forest. As we were finishing our work, Peter told us that he was going to come to the tent and asked us to look for him. We arrived, and, although there was a significant language barrier, we had a great conversation with him. He told us he would be back the next night. Never before had I seen God reveal his purpose to me so quickly. Never before had I witnessed the power of faith-filled prayer so clearly. God be praised! This will forever impact my prayer life. God can still work in wonderful ways. The seed has been planted. The best, though, is yet to come.

P:C - God's Perfect Timing

I have been preparing my heart for this time for about three months or so, but really my heart was ignited the first time I simply heard about First Supper from Hans speaking at my church. The Lord has tested me in every way: my willingness to obey, whether I was going to trust my heart (which I’ve found is deceptive above all things) or if I would give the pen over to Him so he could write my love letter for me. My comfort was tested by having to deliver the fliers and speak German to people over the apartment intercoms. The lord has tested me so much and He has proven over and over that He is faithful! He is true! He is good! He does not change! You all have encouraged me, and I have realized through Project: Camp that God wants me, believes I’m precious, wants me to trust Him, and that He will always be my perfect guide and friend.

One day I was walking and simply felt lead to touch an older lady’s arm as she was looking over her shopping list. She seemed so concentrated. I touched her arm and said “hallo,” and her face lit up. Then she started walking around.

I tested whether simply being present somewhere, if Jesus would be present. On Saturday I wasn’t feeling too good, so I decided to stay at the hostel. I took a nap, rested, and then decided to simply walk and pray around the park. I smiled, made eye-contact, simply said hello to people. I was by myself, but I knew at the moment God would protect me. I kept walking, and I said hello to a man. He just stared at me and started talking in German. I said, “No Deutch,” and he said, “Oh! You’re not German,” and I said, “No, I’m from the U.S.” Eventually I was able to invite him to First Supper, but I had no flier to give him. Then Immanuel from Rwanda came up and told me he was looking for Drew. That made me feel good, because then I wasn’t alone with this man I didn’t know. Then Drew showed up in a car, and he happened to have a flier. God showed up in His perfect timing.

P:C - Hands-on Ministry

Through my time here in Mainz I have learned that service is one of my strongest giftings. I love to serve with my hands and feet, “hands-on” so to speak. At first I was not excited about the work we were to do in the forest (swamp). But with time I was able to take great joy in the work, despite how exhausting, stinky, sticky, gooey, slimy, bug and spider infested, sharp, and rash-inducing it was. It was really wonderful to feel the joy-giving power of Christ at work in our hearts. It was a learning experience for me, and in the end the park staff saw something different in us, that we would work so hard in a foreign country, unpaid, doing nasty work, with joy in our hearts and smiles and laughter on our faces. This has been on of my best experiences of fellowship and what it means to be part of the Body of Christ.

P:C - Planting Seeds in Swamp Water

The story that I think about is going to the “swamp.” We went the first day and spent out time mostly pulling plants out of the water. But the first day there were no gloves for us to use, so we got scratched up kind of badly. So the next time our group went back the workers decided to show us the castle there. As we worked that day I could see the wheels turning in the minds of the few men that worked there. Peter was the main one who worked with us. He gave several compliments on the diligence of our work. God worked through us and I believe began a work in Peter’s heart. They asked if our group could come back the next day because we worked so well, so we did and got more done than ever. We could just tell that they did not understand how we could wade though a swamp with scratched, leeches, scorpions, snakes, snails, and spiders with smiles on our faces. So they took us to another tower as a surprise. They finally decided to come to the tent on the last night. I pray a seed that was sown in this tent and that swamp will grow in their lives. Pray for Peter and those men.

P:C - Spiritual Parallels

During our prayer walk, I saw many people in line at a walk-up bakery, ready to spend money on bread or a pastry. I suddenly had the thought, “I wish they were that hungry for Jesus.” But I guess that is what this week has been about, creating a hunger for God in the hearts of the people of Mainz.

In a similar way, I saw a woman running to catch a bus. She didn’t want to be “left behind.” As I watched I prayed, “God, I wish she would sense her spiritual need and want to run to Jesus.” It is my prayer that she won’t want to be “left behind” when Jesus returns.

Most of life seems to be something that has a spiritual application, or parallel. May God being a great movement of salvation to the people of Mainz!

P:C - Familiar Songs Touching Hearts

I was in the group that visited the nursing homes every day. We had learned several church songs in German, but Sophie also taught us some German Volkslieder. I can remember at every home we went to the people enjoyed the English songs and the hymns that we sang in German, but when we sang the Volksleider, no matter where we sang, even the people in various stages of dementia lit up. Some even sang along with us. It was extremely touching to see how even my poor attempts at German could bless someone else through something as simple as a little song.

P:C - Joining the Homeless

Friday night was a night where the bare necessities were lost. I found myself up at 2:00am playing soccer with people who have gone without the bare necessities for long periods of time, yet for whom provision is still found in small ways. That takes me to the realization of living the simple life and trusting in the Lord for the necessities. God knows best. He puts people in our lives to show us truth, and that truth isn’t easy but it’s worth the sacrifice. These have seen many things throughout the week that have reiterated that truth. That is what I have taken from this experience.

P:C - Open for Use

My heart overflows with the joy of salvation more than ever. I’ve watched God work this week in ways that has excited my soul and delighted my heart. The only story that stands out in my mind the brightest is how the Lord broke down the brick wall of hesitation and fear I had at the beginning. I’m naturally a social, friendly person, but not knowing the language frustrated me. I also thought, “What difference can I make in thirteen days?”

The first night of First Supper, I was terrified. I prayed, “God, please, please, please open my heart, pull down those fears, and use me. Please, use me!”

The second night I came to the tent more confident. I was determined to communicate. I even wrote German phrases on my hands. I ended up talking to a man named Frank from Frankfurt, who was looking for another church (he left the Catholic Church). We talked for an hour. He knew some English, but had a think accent. Afterward, I cried. I could do nothing bur praise God!

To be honest, I came on this trip and hadn’t a clue what I’d experience. God is amazing, and I cannot thank Him enough for the moments on this trip.

P:C - Using What God has Given

I was a member of the group that went to a nursing home to sing each day. Each day we came in contact with very special people and great stories came from each time, but the nursing home we went to on the third day was extra special. I felt like the residents were extra open to us being there and were so very thankful for our gift of singing to them. We were even all able to have some kind of conversation with each resident, even though we spoke different languages. When it came time to leave, we gave fliers for the First Supper to the workers like have had always done. They couldn’t believe how much we were offering them. They were so blessed and really wanted to come to the First Supper. So that night one of the workers showed up at the tent, and she brought with her a bag full of chocolates – all different kinds – and she said that we had been such a blessing to her residents and to her that she wanted to think us. However, she still did not think that her gift was good enough and she continued to thank us over and over. It was just cool to see what can happen when we take the gifts that God has given us to bless others. We can really impact other lives for Christ!

P:C - Changed

I’m not exactly sure what to say. I’ve seen so much happen thus far. I’ve experienced things I can’t express with words. God’s love is stronger than anything I’ve ever known. Each day I hear stories of people coming to Christ and changes that are happening in their lives. I listen to the changes taking place in Mainz. But I feel the greatest change I have witnessed is the change God is making in me. I suppose the best way to say it is to quote these words from a famous hymn:

“I surrender all.”

P:C - Unexpected Miracles

The only story that I have to tell is that God showed me that I am not alone. He also showed me that He can change anything He wants. Some people came expecting miracles in the form of healed bodies, but this week I have seen something far more powerful and just as miraculous: healed hearts. Those change worlds. I am not alone, because we all are overjoyed to see that happen.

P:C - Conversations over a Cup of Coffee

On one of the days we had outreaches, I started to speak to a man in this thirties who decided to have a cup of coffee with me. We got talking, and he told me that he was in Mainz for two days because of a business trip. He wasn’t really interested in Jesus, but he started telling me about his life. He is divorced, he lost his young son one-and-a-half years ago to cancer, and that he lived in South Africa for four years. After our conversation he left, and I was sure that I’d never see him again.

The next day I went back to the tenet, and soon I found that he was there again. He had come back for more conversations and a cup of coffee.

That showed me how much people desire to be loved and listened to. As much as they pretend to be okay in society, they are lonely in their hearts and long for someone to care. I know that I was able to show Jesus’ love through simply listening.

P:C - Sharing in the Community of Prayer

All week long, our group travelled to nursing homes in Mainz. On Friday, we sang at a Catholic nursing home in downtown Mainz. We finished with several German folk songs, and then the director stood up and thanked us. She said, “Singing is a form of prayer, and it’s wonderful to see young people who are willing to pray for and with their elders.” What she said stuck with me as we spoke with the residents in our sparse German and as we headed upstairs to sing for the dementia patients. They were grateful we had sung for them, yes; but they were even more excited to share in the community of prayer with us.

P:C - A Plethora of Blessings

At the Frankfurt airport, Project: Camp leaders picked us up. Within five minutes, I knew that every one of them was God-fearing and passionate. Their authenticity inspired me!

After delivering fliers to people’s mailboxes, I was waiting at the main train station, talking with my cousin. There was a little extra space on the bench, and a lady, in German, asked to sit. We continued our conversation in English. The lady then asked us if we were from America. We told her yes, and when she asked why we were here, we told her about First Supper. She probed further, asking more faith questions, and then asked for the phone number of someone who could give her good directions to First Supper. Even though we finished passing out fliers a little early, God was not done with us.

I have never had so much fun picking up trash and clearing out a dirty pond!

After meeting Michelle while picking up trash, I wanted to say hello following the message at First Supper. I approached her, and as she turned around I noticed she had been crying. She told me, “He got me on that one.” She proceeded to tell me that she had invited other friends to come. She told them that she did not have all the answers yet, but someone here would. To see her come closer to Christ was amazing. It had been a long time since I have seen or been a part of that moment. She blessed me with her vulnerable nature and willingness and excitement to lean toward God!

Sergio received a Project: Camp T-shirt. On Saturday night at First Supper he went around having Project: Camp members sign his shirt. The smile on his face and the joy that he gave off blessed me.

P:C - Visiting the End of the Road

We had the awesome opportunity to bless the nursing homes. Each day we would go to a different nursing home – each time we would leave behind a little of our hearts. There they were – older people – who seemingly longed for human contact. I must say, God gave us an incredible gift in allowing us to learn and sing German songs in a day and then going out to bless the older people. They smiled, encouraged us, told us how wonderful it was, and even shed some tears when familiar songs were sung.

On Friday we sang for two groups – the regular one and then the dementia patients. We were locked in on that floor. We tried to hold our composure amidst multiple distractions, but when one man took his front teeth out and started shaking them even the staunchest lost their composure.

We need to always remember those that have already walked this road before us.

P:C - Beyond Just Speaking Words

Coming into this trip, I told a friend that I was not spiritually prepared or ready for whatever I might encounter in Germany. I think that might be the very reason I am here. I came with the mindset of being able to help others and minister in ways even beyond just speaking words. But it seems like God literally had to throw me out of my American comfort zone for me to hear Him speaking to me through picking up people’s trash. There have been distraction and things that have weighed me down since I have arrived, but it seems those things have been used by God to speak to me the most. I’m sorry I didn’t share an encounter I had with another person, but these things have been on my heart that it’s almost all I remember from this week. I know my words cannot properly relay what exactly is happening inside of me, but I feel it, even if I cannot explain it, and I hope it’s something to which I will never become numb and forget.

P:C - Preach the Gospel Always

I guess the one story that keeps coming back to me is how the work team that I was on was able to bring a man to the tent just by being joyful. We were in the swamp and in the field and the man who actually worked at the location was amazed that we got so much done as well as how joyful we were throughout the whole project. It was really cool to me because of my favorite quote, said by St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel always. If necessary, use words.” This whole project just really let me see that quote in action, and I thought that was awesome. This whole week has been an amazing experience. Thank you all for allowing me to take part in it.

P:C - Blessed to Be a Blessing

I was part of the group that went to the nursing homes. We went there to bless the residents, but all of us were blessed as well by them. As we would sing, you could see some of the people singing as well, especially when we would sing the folk songs. We would just wee their faces light up! It was an awesome experience!

When we finished singing we would walk around and greet them as best as we could with the little German we knew. They were so appreciative of what little we did for them! Sometimes it felt like we weren’t doing much, because all we really had to do was go and sing, but when we would go and see how much it meant to the people it felt like we had done something very special for them. It was so awesome to be able to go and sing to them and just be part of that whole experience.

P:C - All Because of Jesus

One week in July, I thought it would be a week like any other week this year, but God’s plans were and are different. People gathering together to reach other people – that’s definitely an extraordinary thing.

I could tell you a lot of stories, but one evening really impressed me. It was Saturday, July 18, 2008. First Supper was almost over. Moreover, it was hard to understand the speaker, Hans Zimmermann, because it was raining and the sound of raindrops falling on the tent was getting louder and louder. Right after the final prayer, I opened my eyes and saw the sun shining outside. A perfect, beautiful rainbow stretched over the sky. Even though it was hard to understand the speaker, God spoke and He showed His love in this small sign.

That situation reminded me of a concert, where the sun came out of its hiding place while we sang:

“All because of Jesus,

All because of Jesus,

All because of Jesus we are here.”

And that’s truly the same here: All because of Jesus we are here, in Mainz, and God smiles when He sees our work here. He’s the reason we’re here and through this rainbow He proved and showed His support

P:C - The Christian Occupation: Sanitation Engineer

One of the most memorable stories from this week was when I cleaned up trash at a carwash. You would think for a place that stands for cleaning and newness there wouldn’t be so much trash. However, the opposite was true. Off to one of the sides by the forest and bridge there was a hill that was composed of trash and dead leaves. I enjoyed cleaning the place and setting an example for the community. It made me think of my life and others.

Christians should have mostly/all clean lives that help others to do the same, but so many have hidden places where all this junk and trash from the world gets thrown over the years and simply ignored. After a while, others notice and it no longer is a secret. God always knows and wants us to have places that are clean and free of trash. Even if we think it’s hidden, others will notice and that will affect our ministry as well as our example.

For this reason I enjoyed and was exhilarated to go and serve where no one else would, to clean the garbage out of a community. I am ready for God to clean my life and use me to go clean out the garbage in others’ lives.

P:C - Flying to Face Your Fears

I was born into a family that, while it certainly worked to not be prejudiced against any group of people, ended up fostering a (I would say fear, but that’s not quite it.) discomfort – for lack of a better word – toward German people. My grandfather fought in World War II, and we were told not to talk about Germans around him. This even extended to my friend who was an exchange student from Germany. Anyone was free to visit my grandparents’ house with us, but I was told, “Maybe it would be better if you didn’t bring Katy.” So that was that. Subconsciously, this discomfort was solidified by a computer game my mother liked to play. The whole idea was that the player is invading a German fortress, and every time you opened a door there would be someone on the other side who would yell, “Guten Tag!,” and then they would start shooting. I know it’s ridiculous, but this is what wormed its way into my head.

Recently, God stopped me and said, “You’re going to be my warrior.”

I responded, “Okay. Sounds good. Let’s do it.”

So I started applying for different missions trips. I applied for one to Poland, but got rejected, which entirely broke my spirit. I thought, “Why would God call me to this, but then turn me down when I tried to follow His call?” I thought maybe I had misinterpreted His call entirely.

Not long after that, the opportunity to travel to a little German town known as Mainz arose. I said, “Oh, no, God. You are not calling me to that.”

Well, needless to say, God laughed a little and said, “Oh, yes, I am.”

So I applied, and, of course, was accepted.

To make a long story short, I came to Germany and fell in love with the country. I fell in love with the people. I finally opened my heart and was filled by some of the kindest, gentlest people I have known. I think this was God’s way of saying, “If you’re going to by my representative you have to love all my children, just like Me.”

In the end, I found that these people of whom I had lived in fear turned out to be just as beautiful as I thought they were scary. Even though it took me getting on a plane and flying straight into my fears, God was able to open my heart to see people exactly how He sees them: beautiful and Divinely created.

P:C - The Power of Prayer

Saturday night was actually almost the toughest night for me during Project Camp because I was getting more and exhausted, and on that day I thought I wouldn’t be able to talk or be hospitable to anybody anymore. I could only pray that God would guide me through the whole evening and would speak and care through me.

When I got on the bus to drive to the tent in the city, an elderly woman asked if I wanted to sit next to her (because I was standing in the aisle). So I sat next to her, and, for some reason, I felt that I should invite her for dinner at the tent, but when we got out of the bus she was so moved so quickly in a different direction that I didn’t get the chance to say a word. So I just prayed that if God wanted me to invite her that He would let us meet again somehow, and all of a sudden, while I was heading toward the tent, I saw her again. I came next to her and asked her if I could invite her to dinner. She was kind of surprised and asked if she looked “like that,” so I explained to her what we were doing. She said she was sorry but she had to work and on Sunday she had to visit her mom who was in the hospital and really sick. The lady asked for my name, and I gave her a flyer. She said if I wanted to I could visit her some day at the nearby store where she worked, and then we left.

Although this was such a short encounter, it was really intense, so I kept praying for her during the evening and made plans to visit her during the next week. At the end of the evening, after we had eaten, listened to music, and to a sermon, one of our staff members came to me and behind her was the lady I met on the bus. She handed a bag to me and seemed to be in a hurry again, so the only thing I was able to say was that I would visit her during the next week, and then she was gone. I was so surprised and did not know why she handed that bag to me. When I opened it I could hardly believe it. I felt hot tears come to my eyes. In the bad was a beautiful bouquet of roses. Only a little while later did I realize that there was also an envelope in the bad. When I opened it and read the note I was really touched. She wrote that she read on the flyer that this was obviously a Christian event, and asked if I would include her and her sick mom in my prayers.

I have never experienced anything like that. She really was like an angel to me on that day. To me all of this was like Jesus trying to show me: “Sarah, I see you where you are and how exhausted you are. I just wanted to encourage you and send you these flowers!” It really was so amazing. Again on that evening I was able to see how Jesus guided me through the whole evening and never put me under pressure. This was so wonderful. During the whole week I realized more and more that it was not about me, but about Him, and I was able to realize every single day how He lived through me without me doing or trying to produce anything. I am so thankful for that.

By now I have visited the woman of the store again and was able to listen to her about her sick mom and comfort her. She still has a rough time to go through, worrying about her mom, but we are staying in touch, and I am really excited to see what God will do in her life.